The flood of emotions have already started...excitement, anticipation, anxiousness, heartbreak, confusion.
I'm so excited to see my family that I miss very much. I am more that ready to blend into the crowd again and not be yelled at, stared at, laughed at, touched(by strangers), or be called,“my wife”, “onyeocha”, etc. I'm eagerly anticipating our never ending food selections(especially milk, meat, and chocolate!). I'm pretty sure I won't be eating rice or beans for awhile. I will surely appreciate 24/7 electricity and running water!I can't wait to catch up with friends over coffee, especially my sister who got engaged while I was here! I'm so ready to be back at my church, Epic!
Gaining all of these things means leaving my extended family, and this leaves my heart, quite literally, aching.
Five year old Neso, has now told me three times in the last two months that,
“If you leave, I'm sure I will cry.”
How does that not break your heart?! Ha, just thinking about it is making me cry!
This week I will be spending quality time with each child, hugging them as much as possible, telling them all I love them until they are sick of hearing it=), and just trying to soak up every detail, memory, laugh, song, smile, tear, and embrace.
Hopefully my sentiments aren't annoying you too much! But I can't describe the love I have for these kids and being apart from them leaves something lacking in me.
I wish I could say I have been selfless and so loving this whole time, but that would be a gross lie. My flesh is just as present here as it is anywhere else and I get annoyed with the kids and do and say things that I regret. But, only by the grace of God, we can start not even just a new day, but a new moment, afresh!
I went into this trip with the prayer that God would make it known to me if this is where He might have me permanently or not. All I will say right now is that I will be spending a lot of time resting, praying, and in the Word when I get home. I have a lot of things to sort through and really seek God about and I would HUGELY appreciate your prayers in this!
I have experienced many things on this trip that I wasn't expecting, good and bad, which is why I am coming home now, instead of December like I had planned. But I know that none of it is a surprise to God and that is comforting!
One thing that stands firm though is my love for the hurting, impoverished, forgotten, and broken ones.I still desire more than anything to be His hands and feet and I'm so thankful that as a jar of clay, He is forever molding me and breaking me into His image, as long as I am abiding in Him.
I just want to say a humble, “thank you”, to everyone who gave of their time, money, prayers, and things to get me here and giving for the kids. I have seen at least a part of the fruit of it, and even if you never have a chance to see it yourself, I know that in heaven you will!
I will be keeping you informed on my travels home and where God is leading me...